some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
40s are totally the cure
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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