You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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