Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
