Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
