I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
