After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The Olympian is in my bed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
