Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
