You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
