we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
