I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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