We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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