Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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