My friends, they love my intelligence
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
