I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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