Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
