I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
