Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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