if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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