If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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