my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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