do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize