I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
