Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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