in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
