how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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