I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize