..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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