And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
