He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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