They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
