wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
