When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
