hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
