You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
