my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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