Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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