Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
