I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
