Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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