I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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