i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
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you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED