Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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