Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.