I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
