Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.