once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass