Already got asked if we're dating
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
