I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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