How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i love accidental penises.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize