I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
