3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize