We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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