the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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