you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
