so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
