I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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