so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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