Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
