That's when you crack a 10am beer
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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