I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
