I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
