That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
