dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Come see our sink grown plant.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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