walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you inspire me to be a worse person
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
