I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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