i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
