shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
