She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
