i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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