oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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