A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She announced her abortion via fbk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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