Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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