she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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