good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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