I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
