like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
